Many people feel that they know a lot about families because they grew up in one. Yet there are recent discoveries in family process that may surprise many people. Many of the processes that people assume to be helpful in families are not. Research continues to show new and better ways to become vibrant individuals, strengthen couple relationships, and raise healthy, balanced children. Examples of a few of the intriguing discoveries people should know include the following . . .

Over the years many family professionals assumed that there was one best kind of relationship. Contrary to expectation, research by John Gottman shows that it doesn’t matter which of three primary kinds of couple relationship one has–volatile, avoidant or validating–all can be satisfying and enduring. But it does matter that we give five positives for each negative. Positivity is the key to closeness.

• Kindness may be more important in family relationships than communication skills.
• Children’s character and moral development may depend more on the
cultivation of empathy than anything else.
• One characteristic of resilient children–those who flourish in spite of
challenges–is that they have someone in their lives who is crazy about
them.
• Teens that focus on serving others are less likely to get in trouble or drop
out of school.
• The healthiest people are not the most realistic. Research shows that the
healthiest people tend to be unrealistically optimistic.
• Emphasis on self-esteem may have created more problems than it
solved.
• New discoveries in positive psychology provide better ways to thrive.
• We instinctively hope to solve problems by studying them, yet those
who focus on problems in their relationships may create greater problems. Those who focus on strengths tend to transcend many problems.
• Controlling stress is not done by avoiding it, as much as using the resources we have and managing the way we think about it.